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Monday, July 10, 2006

Workplace Romance, Part II

Well, the village elders have interceeded and apparently she (um, Dave has that motif patented, I'll have to think of something else to designate sista girl - suggestions?) is game for an introduction, so introductions will be made tomorrow, probably over lunch somewhere. India Arie is going to be in town this Thursday so I'll see if she wants to check out that concert and we'll go from there. I'll post as things progress. In the meantime, how about some corny humor (which is quintessentially me) - and feel free to add your own in the comments: Why did the chicken cross the road?

HOWARD DEAN
Because she was going to South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico! She was going to California and Texas and New York! And she was going to South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan! And then she’s going to Washington, D.C. to take back the White House, Yeeeeeaaaaaah!

CAROL MOSELEY-BRAUN
To take the “Roosters Only” sign down from the other side

WES CLARK
She was just following orders

JONATHAN EDWARDS
To hen-peck the mill worker on the other side

DICK GEPHARDT
Because she was a miserable failure

BOB GRAHAM
To find Osama bin Forgotten

JOHN KERRY
Because the other side was more electible

DENNIS KUCINICH
To get the US out and the UN in

JOE LIEBERMAN
To get pecked after the State of the Union Address

AL SHARPTON
To fight for fundamental chicken rights

GEORGE W. BUSH
To preemptively strike someone who allegedly had a skillet, grease, flour, seasoned salt, paprika, pepper, garlic powder, and an appetite – just to find that they only had cup of yogurt

AL GORE
To discover an inconvenient truth.

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling Escalade.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

RUSS FEINGOLD
To take a principled stand for the constitutional rights and protections of all chickens

HILLARY CLINTON
Because the wind was blowing that-a-way

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.

GEORGE H.W. BUSH
To get to the kinder, gentler side of the road, but read my lips - no new global crossings

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

JIMMY CARTER
Because there was a brand new coop on the other side that her friends here at Habitat for Chickens built for her.

GERALD FORD
I dunno, D'oh!

RICHARD M. NIXON
I am not a chicken thief.

LYNDON BAINES JOHNSON
Because I #^&^ing told it to cross the road! Any more dumb @$$ questions?!?

JOHN F. KENNEDY
Ask not what your chicken can do for you...

TONY SNOW
There was no chicken, you should retract that story as many innocent chickens have been hurt.

RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross. What's next? Free prescription drugs for crossing-the-road syndrome? Free drugs to help some cock do his cockle-doodle-doo?

ROBERT BYRD
We applaud the efforts of the working class chicken. It will be a travesty if we do not pass my $87 million bill so that poor American chickens throughout West Virginia have this same opportunity to cross the Robert Byrd Highway across from the Robert Byrd Observatory.

KENNETH STARR
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of Bill Clinton in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the sexual wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed.

P.I.T.A. SPOKESPERSON
What business is it of yours why the chicken crossed the road? The chicken had every right to cross the road, more right than you have, since the chicken never murdered or enslaved another animal for its own pleasure.

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it - the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDDADDY
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

OLIVER STONE
She didn't cross the road. Witnesses from the grassy knoll clearly saw that it was instead two geese that crossed, forever debunking the one-bird theory.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.

GEORGE ORWELL
Because some chickens are more equal than others

ROBERT FROST
It was the road less traveled by

EDGAR ALLEN POE
Cross the chicken? Nevermore!

JOHN LENNON
Imagine there is no chicken

YING YANG TWINS
We were trying to whisper something in her ear

PLATO
To escape the shadows of the cave

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historical inevitability.

VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

MACHIAVELI
To crush those who would not join the Chicken Coup

DARWIN
She was naturally selected to evolve into a 3-piece dinner

SØREN KIERKEGAARD
Because it made absolutely no sense

JOHN CALVIN
She was predestined to cross the road

MARTIN LUTHER
I've got 95 reasons why the chicken crossed the road posted on the door of the Wittenberg KFC

EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

CARL JUNG
The shadow knows...

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook--- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

OLIVER NORTH
I really can't comment. I don't recall. I wasn't aware that the road crossing actually occurred, since that information was classified.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, is allegorical for the Black man. The chicken crossed the "Black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

COLONOL NATHAN JESSEP
She couldn't handle the roost!

DON VITO CORLEONE
We make her an offer, she no refuse...

TONY MONTANA
To say hello to my little friend!

MORPHEUS
Because she chose the red pill...

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go, where no chicken, has gone, before.

SPOCK
Logic dictated that the chicken cross the road.

BONES McCOY
Because she wasn't going to have her atoms scattered across the galaxy by some new-fangled transporter

BENJAMIN SISKO
It was the will of the prophets

QUARK
The 62nd Rule of Acquisition - The riskier the road, the higher the profit

THE BORG
Resistance was three ohms

YODA
Begun, this crossing has, hmmm

DARTH VADER
To fulfill her destiny on the dark side of the road

ANAKIN SKYWALKER
She would have crossed the road quicker if Obi Wan wasn't holding her back

LUKE SKYWALKER
You're not my feather!

PRINCESS LEIA ORGANA
To go peck some scruffy-looking nerf-herder

PADME AMADALA
To check out the padouin rooster with the really big light saber

SIGMUND FREUD
See what I mean?

JANGO FETT
She's just a simple chicken trying to make her way across the road

EMPEROR PALPATINE
To witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational battle station!

CONDOLEEZZA RICE
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of white phosphorus on her.

Emancipated by Athanasius @ 8:00 PM

Read or Post a Comment

ANN COULTER
"These self-obsessed chickens seemed genuinely unaware how damaging they are to the front of my car and acted as if my running them over happened only to them."

METHOD MAN
"I'll sew that bird's @$$hole shut and just keep feeding it and feeding it and feeding it..."

OPRAH
"My philosophy is that not only is the chicken responsible for it's own life, but doing the best at any given moment puts the chicken in the best place for the next moment. And that place was on the other side of the road."

TOM CRUISE
"It's well known I'm a Scientologist, and that has helped me to find out that there is no such thing as a chicken. Matt, Matt, you don't even -- you're glib. You don't even know what a chicken is."

MAYA ANGELOU
"Crispy chicken served with a side of fries
Increasing the spread of the average American's thighs
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the fat in my skin
Calories in my breast.
So I throw myself at a car,
allowing some woman to achieve her best.
I'm a chicken
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal chicken,
That's me."

Posted by Blogger saga @ Wednesday, July 12, 2006 11:46:00 PM #
 

PRINCE:

I knew a girl named chicken I guess you could say she crossed the street

The chicken crossed to get away from the Purple Rain.

The chickens crossing is just a Sign Of The Time..

It crossed to get to the Diamond and Pearls I had for it.

Chickens crossing the road are just Scandolous...

Ok I really need to stop...Oscar you done started something!

Posted by Blogger DJ Diva @ Thursday, July 13, 2006 9:54:00 AM #
 

To find out that life truly gets better

-Dr. Frederick Humphries

Posted by Blogger DP @ Thursday, July 13, 2006 11:57:00 AM #
 
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